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Tag Archives: doubt
not like this
Photo by Laurent Perren on Unsplash This is not what I wanted. High-functioning autistics like me who live alone and work from home fight a constant battle against expected levels of socialization. We have to self-limit because of how exhausting … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 3
Tagged actuallyautistic, appearance, ASD, Aspergers, autism, doubt, fear
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that look
If you’re autistic, you know exactly the look I’m talking about. It’s the one you get from a neurotypical person when you step outside the prescribed boundaries for casual interaction. You’ll be going along hiding your autism well enough and … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 2
Tagged actuallyautistic, appearance, Aspergers, doubt
7 Comments
handle
I am back in graduate school once again, this time in a writing program as opposed to a science-based (or rather, laboratory bench-based) program. During the first class last week, the professor warned us, as if I needed the warning, … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 2
Tagged actuallyautistic, Asperger, doubt, graduate student, misunderstanding, writing
2 Comments
supposed
I have run out of energy. Again. Just like I did this time last year when they changed my schedule and switched my days off. Except – I don’t have that excuse this time. But I called out of work … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 1
Tagged actuallyautistic, ASD, Asperger, Aspergers, autism, chronic pain, disability, doubt, futility
1 Comment
effortless
“Do you think maybe the reason people don’t respond to you is how you talk to them?” I’m doing a really good job of controlling myself right now. I’m sitting with one of my supervisors (my department has two of … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 1
Tagged actuallyautistic, autism, doubt, good intentions
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wilderness
“Carpal tunnel” What? “There is nothing wrong with your ulnar nerve.” The neurologist spoke in the soft, mixed British-Asian accent of highly educated students from that part of the world. “It is all median nerve. Carpal tunnel.” Never mind that … Continue reading
not so small
“Trace the exact path of your pain for me.” I sit on a padded exam table facing the neurologist, having passed the slew of tests to determine if the pain and numbness in my hands is due to something in … Continue reading
surgereve
Despite still being exhausted after the most challenging semester of school of my entire life, which now encompasses a full ten years total of post-secondary education, the day before my second surgery I was buzzing around like a four-year-old on … Continue reading
not my fault
As I read more and more about my autism (for new folks, I was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s, an Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD), I am, for the first time in my life, seeing my life experiences clearly. All of … Continue reading
Posted in Aspect I
Tagged anger, ASD, depression, doubt, effort, emotional reaction, good intentions
1 Comment
The Chariot
If it’s easy, then it’s the right thing. If it’s hard, then it’s the right thing. What is the right thing to do? It feels like it should be a simple question; a binary question, no less. Some things are … Continue reading
Posted in Aspect III
Tagged appearance, confusion, disability, doubt, graduate student, invisible disability
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