search
- Follow this great ape on WordPress.com
popular posts
follow the ape on Twitter
My TweetsSections
tags
#YesAllWomen anger animals answers appearance ASD Asperger autism Buddhism busyness chronic pain confusion coping depression disability doubt effort emotional reaction empathy exhaustion fairness faith fear friend frustration futility god good intentions graduate student guilt healing health insurance holiday hope humor inner monologue insomnia invisible disability judgmental learning life change loneliness luck massage therapy media misinformation nerve ablation nerve pain ordeal orthopedist pain personal crisis pharmacy physical therapy rage self care self loathing self love sexism specialist suffering surgery workchronic pain blogs I follow
archives
Tag Archives: doubt
effortless
“Do you think maybe the reason people don’t respond to you is how you talk to them?” I’m doing a really good job of controlling myself right now. I’m sitting with one of my supervisors (my department has two of … Continue reading
wilderness
“Carpal tunnel” What? “There is nothing wrong with your ulnar nerve.” The neurologist spoke in the soft, mixed British-Asian accent of highly educated students from that part of the world. “It is all median nerve. Carpal tunnel.” Never mind that … Continue reading
not so small
“Trace the exact path of your pain for me.” I sit on a padded exam table facing the neurologist, having passed the slew of tests to determine if the pain and numbness in my hands is due to something in … Continue reading
surgereve
Despite still being exhausted after the most challenging semester of school of my entire life, which now encompasses a full ten years total of post-secondary education, the day before my second surgery I was buzzing around like a four-year-old on … Continue reading
not my fault
As I read more and more about my autism (for new folks, I was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s, an Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD), I am, for the first time in my life, seeing my life experiences clearly. All of … Continue reading
Posted in Aspect I
Tagged anger, ASD, depression, doubt, effort, emotional reaction, good intentions
1 Comment
The Chariot
If it’s easy, then it’s the right thing. If it’s hard, then it’s the right thing. What is the right thing to do? It feels like it should be a simple question; a binary question, no less. Some things are … Continue reading
Posted in Aspect III
Tagged appearance, confusion, disability, doubt, graduate student, invisible disability
Leave a comment
excepting expectation
Last week’s pain crisis is now behind me. I’m still quite run down, and unable to do much which either arm, but pain is no longer crowding out concrete thought. Yesterday, the surgeon examined both of my shoulders and affirmed … Continue reading
apprehend
apprehension |ˌapriˈhenSHən| noun 1 anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen: he felt sick with apprehension | she had some apprehensions about the filming. 2 understanding; grasp: the pure apprehension of the work of art. 3 the … Continue reading
Posted in Aspect III
Tagged anger, chronic pain, disability, doubt, fear, graduate student, surgery
Leave a comment
and for how long
The pain is no better. I won’t say that it is worse. It may be, but I don’t want to go there. At the behest of my physical therapist, I contacted the head researcher of my lab to let him … Continue reading
how much, how little
Two days ago, my pain hit the highest spike since before the surgery. It was no better yesterday, and because of it, for the first time since the surgery, I had to change my plans so I could go home and rest. … Continue reading
