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Tag Archives: disability
Crash the lab
Three semesters of grad school via Zoom have wrecked me. Class discussions and impromptu tangents are the fun part of grad school. They balance out the herculean and thankless labor one must otherwise expend reading gross amounts of peer-reviewed literature and pulling together a research project that will culminate in a thesis or dissertation, otherwise known as the longest and most harrowing paper you will ever write in your entire life. Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 4
Tagged actuallyautistic, Aspergers, autism, autistic woman, burnout, disability, doubt
1 Comment
special victim
“So instead I just go on and on about a single episode in a series with literally hundreds of them because that single episode explains my entire life story and sometimes you just need someone or something to blame. For the years and years of abuse, infantilizing, minimizing, belittlement, and disbelief that have carved psychological scars in me that are so deep I might never be able to fully heal from them.” Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 4
Tagged actuallyautistic, autistic, autisticwomen, disability, media, neurodivergent, real autism, stereotype
3 Comments
what doesn’t kill me (isn’t going to work)
Surprising no one, my first application for disability was denied. In researching next steps for an appeal, I discovered that one of the things the committee considers, although not in so many words, is whether my disability will kill me. … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 3
Tagged actuallyautistic, anger, appearance, Aspergers, autism, disability
2 Comments
plant your flag elsewhere
Recently, a friend tried to convince me of the validity of a new treatment for autism that, as many of these purported treatments do, lacks a plausible explanation for how it works. Nonetheless, I respect the friend and thus did … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 3
Tagged actuallyautistic, Aspergers, autism, different, disability, good intentions
1 Comment
just for looks
I have been undergoing the arduous and humiliating process of applying for disability here in the U.S. for my autism. If you thought that in this day and age, there would be an established mechanism for this type of disability, … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 2
Tagged actuallyautistic, anger, ASD, Aspergers, autism, disability
4 Comments
how things are
I’m in the process of uncovering the emotional underpinnings of the mechanisms I’ve internalized to disguise my autistic self. Specifically, I’m examining those I use to keep from inadvertently upsetting, insulting, or otherwise hurting the people around me. Although my … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 2
Tagged actuallyautistic, Aspergers, autism, autisticwomen, disability
3 Comments
see me
This past semester, my final project was a paper that explored the interface among autistic media portrayals, stereotypes, disability laws, and lived experiences. I discovered that I am not unique in the amount of effort I expend to appear neurotypical. … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 2
Tagged actuallyautistic, appearance, autism, coping, disability, neurodivergent, neurotypical, self care
2 Comments
two and one
Photo by Jenna Hamra Normally, the holiday season fills me with a sense of joy, peace, and hope. I love everything about Christmas; the decorations, the traditions, the music, and especially the Christmas story. I very much relate to the … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 2
Tagged actuallyautistic, Aspergers, austism, disability, learning, self love
1 Comment
supposed
I have run out of energy. Again. Just like I did this time last year when they changed my schedule and switched my days off. Except – I don’t have that excuse this time. But I called out of work … Continue reading
Posted in Book Two - Mind, Setting 1
Tagged actuallyautistic, ASD, Asperger, Aspergers, autism, chronic pain, disability, doubt, futility
1 Comment
scars
They don’t match. That was my first thought as I sat on the edge of MS Ape’s bathroom sink, my back to my reflection, peering into a make-up mirror to compare the barely-knitted slices on my left scapula to the … Continue reading
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