Author Archives: C. M. Condo

About C. M. Condo

I am a late-diagnosed, high-functioning autistic living with chronic pain. I started this blog in March of 2014 as a way to try to process what was happening to me. It is my hope that by sharing it with you, we can both gain something, or at least learn something, from my experience.


*this post contains profanity I’m doing trauma work with my therapist, starting with an event in my childhood that I’d only recently started calling a trauma, even though I remember it clear as day despite it having occurred when I … Continue reading

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the real thing

“It doesn’t matter that they aren’t real; I don’t have a built-in remove that kicks in automatically in non-literal situations. It’s all real. All of it.” Continue reading

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You. Yes, you. I am talking about you. You can’t be surprised I am talking about you, since it’s always all about you, anyway. As long as you feel good, as long as you get what you want when you … Continue reading

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Crash the lab

Three semesters of grad school via Zoom have wrecked me. Class discussions and impromptu tangents are the fun part of grad school. They balance out the herculean and thankless labor one must otherwise expend reading gross amounts of peer-reviewed literature and pulling together a research project that will culminate in a thesis or dissertation, otherwise known as the longest and most harrowing paper you will ever write in your entire life. Continue reading

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The Ape is on hiatus to recover from a surfeit of anxiety and stress, and will return in Fall 2021.

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“the last thing the autism community needs another example of a white male autistic who fits the vanishingly rare stereotype of the super-genius misanthrope” Continue reading

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get past

Fear is what makes you careful. Fear is what keeps you from being alone with strange men, from going on a hike out of cell range without telling anyone, from buying LSD from a bartender you just met. What kind of fear is this woman talking about? Fear of not being able to pay your rent? Continue reading

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special victim

“So instead I just go on and on about a single episode in a series with literally hundreds of them because that single episode explains my entire life story and sometimes you just need someone or something to blame. For the years and years of abuse, infantilizing, minimizing, belittlement, and disbelief that have carved psychological scars in me that are so deep I might never be able to fully heal from them.” Continue reading

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the real reason

So after reading yet another article about how the “wellness” (cough, puke) industry uses unregulated and non-factual claims to sell products to unsuspecting women while managing to completely ignore the reason women are searching for such things, followed by me writing fuming paragraphs in my head despite watching kittens play quasi-football, I figured perhaps I should write a blog post. Continue reading

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Autism consigns one to a life defined by a lack of choices in some of the most essential elements of modern existence, like employment, social group, living arrangement, and even who we want to be. We struggle to navigate the boundaries imposed by a non-autistic society, either not seeing them, or, if we see them, not understanding them. Continue reading

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