Tag Archives: learning

shelfless

Last week I was so, so angry. I couldn’t stop thinking about all of the people who have taken advantage of me throughout my life, most of them men, and how my autism made me such an easy mark, and … Continue reading

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getting to work

So now I have officially graduated, and have been back to work in the lab for a little over a week. The days are long, but my shoulder, while not entirely pleased, has thus far refrained from laying me out … Continue reading

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emotional

“Bachelor of Arts or Sciences?” “Sciences.” “How tall are you?” “5’3”.” The man frowned at me. “You look taller than that.” “Really?” My posture has improved, but it seems unlikely I’ve gotten a whole inch out of it. (Or do … Continue reading

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come to rest

Even before this happened, I was a reluctant inhabitant of my physical body. I railed against its inevitable (if as yet largely imperceptible) decline, the stealthy, inexorable loss of elasticity, pigment, resilience, strength. It felt like punishment, to house a … Continue reading

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learning, fast and slow

Well, that didn’t take long. Even though the surgery was less than a month ago, I was back in full-on, Type-A Ape mode in the lab last week, happily doing whatever was asked of me, including a generous complement of … Continue reading

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short-cut

“Furious. In-frigging-sane. I want to punish somebody; I want to make somebody feel as bad as felt, hurt as much as I hurt.” “Well, of course you feel that way,” my mentor replied. “You want to take it out on … Continue reading

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collateral damage

I haven’t wanted to write this post. I haven’t even wanted to start this post. My head is a mess. It was so thick with pain, with foreboding, with the fear that I would sink ever deeper into the morass … Continue reading

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to try is not to do

It’s a little after 5:00 AM. I’m up because I want to be, though, not because I have to be, although as soon as the wake-up light nudged me from a disturbing dream in which I kept running in and … Continue reading

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anniversary

October 21. The date is emblazoned on my memory as though it were carved and backlit. Today is October 21. Exactly one year ago, today, I woke up in so much pain I could barely breathe. Exactly one year ago, … Continue reading

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assumptions

assumption |əˈsəm(p)SHən| noun 1. a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof: they made certain assumptions about the market | [ with clause ] : we’re working on the assumption that the time of death … Continue reading

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