Category Archives: Book One – Body

Chronic Pain

come to rest

Even before this happened, I was a reluctant inhabitant of my physical body. I railed against its inevitable (if as yet largely imperceptible) decline, the stealthy, inexorable loss of elasticity, pigment, resilience, strength. It felt like punishment, to house a … Continue reading

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not done

It hasn’t been a good week. The tidal surge of adrenaline borne out of the pure joy at being released from constant, immobilizing pain has receded. I have come back down to earth to find my shoulder still heavily damaged and disturbingly weak. … Continue reading

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learning, fast and slow

Well, that didn’t take long. Even though the surgery was less than a month ago, I was back in full-on, Type-A Ape mode in the lab last week, happily doing whatever was asked of me, including a generous complement of … Continue reading

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short-cut

“Furious. In-frigging-sane. I want to punish somebody; I want to make somebody feel as bad as felt, hurt as much as I hurt.” “Well, of course you feel that way,” my mentor replied. “You want to take it out on … Continue reading

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collateral damage

I haven’t wanted to write this post. I haven’t even wanted to start this post. My head is a mess. It was so thick with pain, with foreboding, with the fear that I would sink ever deeper into the morass … Continue reading

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and so

My eyes opened. “Hi honey, welcome back,” the anesthetist’s nurse was standing to my left. I looked at the clock; it was 11:45 AM. The last thing I remember was being wheeled towards the surgery suite at 9:35. I recall … Continue reading

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happening

My surgery is scheduled for four days from now. I spent my spare post-holiday hours drilling down on the research, gathering what few common factors I could glean from the various case studies. I brought my resulting bevy of questions in for … Continue reading

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unsettling

I’m officially, completely unpacked. All boxes have been emptied, everything I’ve decided to keep has found a home, either here or in my storage unit, pictures are hung, and box cutters, tape, markers and tool kits are finally put away. … Continue reading

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December 24, 2014

It’s almost midnight on December 24th. I’m in the new apartment, and about 75% unpacked. It took ten friends eight hours over two days to pack my things for transport. Despite an aptitude for number-crunching, I successfully labored under the … Continue reading

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terms

I have a new most hated phrase. It is “living life on your own terms.” It’s always touted as this thing to aspire to, as though it takes some special strength or perseverance to achieve it. As though it is something to … Continue reading

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