Author Archives: SeeMorrigan

About SeeMorrigan

I'm a woman in her early forties who was beset in October of 2013 with a nerve entrapment due to an abnormal conformation of my shoulder blades. I was in constant, unrelieved pain for fifteen months, until, after countless misdiagnoses and mistreatments, a surgeon correctly diagnosed the issue and performed two surgeries to remove pieces of my shoulder blades. Along the way, I also discovered I am high-functioning autistic. I started this blog in March of 2014 as a way to try to process what was happening to me. It is my hope that by sharing it with you, we can both gain something, or at least learn something, from my experience.

do your work

This is the new cover for the binders with daily, weekly, and monthly maintenance tasks in my department at work.  There’s one for each job description, four total, and this meme is on the front of all of them.  I … Continue reading

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actress

I am an actress. Ever since I was a little girl, I have imitated other people. Like a mirror, I could reflect was what was seen and spoken to me. I mimicked words I heard and actions I witnessed. To … Continue reading

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team

Art by Temari Ataje As it turns out, what I thought was a real clunker from my HR meeting – the announcement that I was becoming too mentally exhausted by my job under its current parameters – did not fall … Continue reading

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effortless

“Do you think maybe the reason people don’t respond to you is how you talk to them?” I’m doing a really good job of controlling myself right now. I’m sitting with one of my supervisors (my department has two of … Continue reading

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where god is

I have suddenly realized that somehow, somewhere, over the last however so many months, I have lost my faith. I used to center it in the altruism of humankind, the ability of my fellow creatures to reach outside themselves and … Continue reading

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book two – mind

It seems that fate has deemed that I did not get a thorough enough education in invisible disability from my chronic pain.  Since that has been reduced to the category of problematic, rather than life-altering, a new demon has arisen … Continue reading

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can’t

What does it mean when you say you “can’t” do something? Sometimes it is literal – I literally can’t do a handstand. But often it is more subtle, meant to impress a sort of finality despite the lack of a literal … Continue reading

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wilderness

“Carpal tunnel” What? “There is nothing wrong with your ulnar nerve.” The neurologist spoke in the soft, mixed British-Asian accent of highly educated students from that part of the world. “It is all median nerve. Carpal tunnel.” Never mind that … Continue reading

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peach-pink

“You know it’s dangerous for someone like you to take opiod medications.” My head was in my hands as I rocked back and forth in the chair across from the neurologist. “I know, I know…” I moaned, “…but I just can’t … Continue reading

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again

Last night I did not sleep. The pins and needles and burning in my hands are now unchanged by any sleeping position I can discover. I tried taking nearly every medication in my night stand – insomnia, nerve pain, muscle … Continue reading

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